Is It Over Yet?

I’ve made it a point, since the start of this blog, to be as transparent as possible – even if sometimes I’d rather have everything look perfectly picturesque.  I mean who doesn’t want their life to look all put together, right?

Well, I’m sure from the title of this post and the featured image of it – you can already suspect that I am ready for this to be over.  If you are thinking that, you would be correct.  I do believe I am ready.

I’m finding it interesting at how quickly a dream can loose your fascination and utter excitement when it had every bit of it at the start! The idea of living in a trailer was stinkin’ awesome when the concept developed in our minds.  And when we saw God give us the thumbs up to pursue this venture, EVERYTHING changed.  This anticipation to find a trailer and fix it up to become our living quarters was obsessive! Once we found the trailer and started the work – it became this vision of our future.  I was so amped up on designing the layout that it continued to consume my mind.  Then the designing was over, and I sat on cloud 9 for roughly 3 months just soaking in this deep satisfaction of our finished trailer.  And then it happened…after only eight months, I’m already over it.

I do realize that many, many people dream of this lifestyle.  There is something about it that promises so much freedom and offers an environment where you feel almost detached from the rest of the world – and to a certain extent, it is true;  which is why I think so many people are drawn to it.  I mean, c’mon, you couldn’t count the number of boards that people have created on Pinterest if you wanted to! Seriously, I would not be surprised if there were millions! And if you are one of them, I’m sure I know what you’re thinking right now:  “How could you possibly be over living in a tiny trailer, living out in the woods, living with less, not having to pay a hefty mortgage – sounds incredible!!!!! I mean, what is wrong with you?!?!” Well, to answer your questions, there are two reasons  why I feel the way I do, and they are ages 3 & 4.

Now, this is no new revelation by any means but I’ll explain it this way.  As adults, we should all reach a point in our lives where we start appreciating things and, in return, taking care of them.  Children, on the other hand, do not share that same mentality. They do not care how much time, effort, and/or MONEY you put into something.

For instance, it doesn’t bother them that they bite a piece out of the corner of their night stand.

Or that almost every morning they slam the sliding door into our closet which chips the paint.

The fact that they ripped their pillow case means nothing to them.

And breaking one of two latches to the emergency exit window – meaning the window will now never completely shut – is no big deal.

Our kids have shown us that they have a natural talent for ruining things!  As well as every other child on the face of the planet.  I can somewhat laugh about it as I’m writing this post- but at the same time, I’m not really laughing.  In fact, in those moments of discovering a new item that was either broke, destroyed or now past the point of no return because someone didn’t take care it, lets just say that the last thing I want to do is laugh. I mean, who bites a piece off of their nightstand????  Who does that????  Oh right, our son.

For them, in their defense, this setup really isn’t ideal.  We have a son who is 1000% boy.  He has more energy than Travis, Saveyah and me combined.  Fighting, jumping, purposely running into things, doing gymnastics on his bed – it is extremely hard for Jamir to sit still and simply be content.  Saveyah, on the other hand, can be still and easily content but that is only if Jamir is not around.  And sure, during the summer months it was nice being able to put them outside to play and explore, but now that the season has changed and it has started to rain non-stop, it’s harder for them to want to be outside.  And the truth is, I don’t blame them.  In all of my attempts to do activities with them inside, our options have become limited.

Sure this living is liberating and cost efficient for us, but overall, for me, it is difficult with toddlers.  Now, I am in NO way trying to say that you simply can’t live this type of lifestyle with kiddos – because the truth is, there are families who have made it work!  To those families, high five!  Also, if I were to really put things in perspective, there are families who live small-scale all over the world, and for them it is considered normal.  So, I want to be careful to not sound ungrateful for the home that we do have.

I guess the truth of it all may just be that I am not content.  If it were just Travis and I living this lifestyle – honestly, I could live this way for a very long time.  It’s a wonderful setup!  When you throw kids into the mix, especially crazy ones (as if there’s such a thing as non-crazy kids), and see the mayhem that unfolds on a daily basis – it becomes very difficult to enjoy really any of it.  And I think that’s exactly where I am.  Feeling discontent because I struggle to find the joy within the chaos.

It’s crazy to me that, even as I’m typing this post, venting about my struggles, I realize that our kids have not once complained about this trailer.  I haven’t heard them mention missing our house or even wanting to be back in a house.  So, here I am stating what I consider to be a “problem” yet it doesn’t seem to be a problem to them:) Hmmm…I am very thankful to God for that.  So, if they are content – then it would appear the real problem lies with me.

Although I consider this type of living extremely HARD with our kids, it just goes to show that even if things aren’t always what I believe to be ideal, if we are in God’s will (which I know we are), then they are exactly the way He intended for them to be.  This area of discontentment of mine is simply a means of God exposing deeper areas where I need to let Him in.  Which is not only something I should want, but also something I should be grateful for.  So, in that case, I will take a deep breath, touch up a little paint, sew Saveyah’s pillow case back together, maybe duck tape the latch to the window by Jamir’s bed and see about staining the corner of the nightstand. Then it will almost feel like nothing ever happened.  Well, at least until tomorrow:)

Less is more,

Niki

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