Simply Sure/Unsure

Oh, to be sure of something. That highly anticipated galaxy aligning, sign in the sky, “aha moment.” Isn’t it, by far, one of the greatest feelings?

And when you finally get to a place where you’re confident in your new-found direction, you get asked the question, “But, are you sure?” “Well, yeah, I’m sure!” But after several people start asking the same question, you start responding with, “Well, I’m pretty sure.” And the process of second-guessing yourself begins. With that being said, being fully sure of something has to be one of the most liberating feelings in the world.

I don’t think I could count how many times I’ve gone from, “Yes! This is it!” to “Uh, wait, is this right?” Going back and forth, side-to-side, up and down and inside out, all in an attempt to get to a place of surety. It’s a brutal tug-a-war that we can find ourselves in quite frequently, sometimes too frequently. But how do we know that we’re making the right decision?

BTW, I chose this picture of Jamir because I felt it depicted the perfect face of someone straddling the fence of sure/unsure! Isn’t he adorable?!?! Split lip and all!

If you have read my last few posts, then you know that I have been struggling with this “trailer life” thing. (Well, to update you on my present state, I am still struggling with this “trailer life” thing:) I have had moments of asking myself, “Was this the right decision for our family?” and before I jump too quickly on the regret train, I answer with a “YES!” We turned our comfortable suburban life apart to live in Silvia – selling our home, 2 cars, ¾ of our possessions and finding homes for our dogs. I’d say we were sure about our decision – but I’ve come to realize that being sure of something doesn’t make it easy, it just makes it easier.

I would love to think that when you’re sure of something it takes away all the grey, making everything black and white – clear as day, BUT that never happens. So, I’ve come to the conclusion that the sometimes annoying, unsure, uncolorful grey areas, are God’s way of saying, “You don’t have it all figured out, and you never will, BUT I do, and that is enough. Isn’t that enough, Niki?”

Since fall of last year, my quest for surety has taken me on an interesting journey. Countless moments of feeling helpless, hopeless and to be honest, purposeless. I had fully embraced the black and whites because I was sure of those. Kind of like the do’s and don’ts, just the do’s and don’ts I/we were sure of.  But it was that grey area, the realm of the unknown, that captivated me. It just captivated me for all the wrong reasons. What I have discovered over the last few weeks, is that it’s in this despised and irritating grey area where God offers you peace. It’s the peace in the storm. It’s a peace this world can never offer you. The peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7). That peaceful reassurance that although I don’t see it or understand it, God does. And after awhile, what seemed to be an inconvenience, turns out to be comfort.

So, I’ve decided to use this post to NOT let out my childish, ungrateful rants about this particular season I find myself in but instead use it as an opportunity to point out what I am sure of.

If you follow Living Less on Pinterest, then you know that I recently started a new board called “B E A U T I F U L.” It’s a compilation of images (the majority of which I could never take!) that I find to be beautiful, you know, things like espresso and cinnamon rolls. No joke, some of the images are of those because they are my favorite, but most of them are of nature. These beautiful, almost surreal, breathtaking photographs of the artistic and stunning hand of God. And although I may never have an opportunity to climb on top of mountain ranges, be face to face with wildlife or live in a cabin overlooking paradise, I am still able to see the design of God everywhere. He is definitely not difficult to find.

So, if there is one thing I am sure of – it is of the glory of God displayed through His creation.

You will never know what’s next. I will never know what’s next. But instead of looking at the unknown as a curse – looking at it as an opportunity to live in the sureness of God. It’s in our moments of weakness where God is most magnified and glorified. He is what our surety should rest upon. He is what our hope should rest in.

What I find I am most sure of, is that I am loved by God.

It is this Love that allows and compels me to love in a way that has no boundaries or limitations. A Love that breaks through logic, fear and greed.  This Love is power, for it cannot be, nor will it ever be defeated.  It conquers evil, embraces the lost, heals the hurting, and delivers the oppressed. It changes us from who we once were to who we were called to be through our Redeemer and our Restorer – Jesus, who, through love, gave Himself for us. He paid the price we couldn’t pay by bearing our sins on a cross. He Loved. He Loved you. He loved me, enough to lay down His life so that I could live mine in His reflection. What a beautiful thing to live completely sure of.

For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope – the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.  (Titus 2:11-14)

Less is more,

Niki

P.S. God Loves You

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