Where To?

This post will be a very short one – I just felt the need to type this out…even if it’s just for me.

I don’t want what I am going to say to appear dull, unsaturated or monotone.  Truth is, I’m not asking you to care, I’m not asking for anything.  I hope what I say best reflects the sincerity, conviction and devotion of my heart.

Travis and I are at a crossroads.  Right now, he sees down one road and I see down the other.  It doesn’t mean that one of us is right and the other is wrong;  it simply means that we aren’t in any position to move at all.  We both have our “ideas” of what would make the best fit for our family – options that could bring in financial stability, healthcare and areas where we could potentially get the most out of our “dreams.” And it can all seem so promising; our plans could appear to be so right and yet, they can turn out to be so wrong. 

If I honestly wrote out each one of my plans, I could easily fill several sheets of notebook paper – line after line.  And I’m talking detailed plans people! Like discounts on an espresso drink because it’s one of our animals birthdays!  Don’t ask… What I am trying to explain is that they are all plans for things I don’t have, won’t have anytime soon or could possibly never have – and even though I am aware of this, I still spend countless hours dreaming of what the future may hold and hoping that it will come quickly.

But today was the day I laid those dreams to rest.  It was not long after I realized how much I was living in tomorrow, that I needed to live in today.  After all, that is all I am promised anyway.  Not only that, but as I was praying over God’s direction for our family, it became clear that these dreams of mine where making me bias in my prayers.  In the midst of praying specifically for God’s will over something – I could sense something strong in the back of my mind.  It was the sense of selfish ambition.  I was fooling myself into believing that my prayer was untainted by my own ideas and in that, trying to make it sound genuine enough for God to buy.  And of course, because God is loving and gentle, instead of making me feel awful – He opened my eyes and it drew me closer to Him.

So now I have made the decision to stop dwelling on my plans.  I won’t be going online to search for ways to make my ideas plausible, I won’t be aimlessly looking at property on Zillow and I won’t be spending hours scrolling down Pinterest dreaming my little heart away.  Instead when I become faced with uncertainties, I will worship God.  When I see myself imaging the future, I will worship God.  At any point where I feel that I am pushing for my dreams to become reality, I will worship God.

I gave God my life a long time ago;  I didn’t only give it to Him for a season.  And everyday I still have to choose Him before myself and before anyone else.  So, if my dreams turn out to be Gods dreams, then I win.  If they don’t, well I still win because His dreams will always surpass my own.  What hope we have in God!  How wonderful it is to know that we aren’t facing this life alone.  I wouldn’t trade Him for any dream in the world.

Where to? TBD by God:)

Less is more,

Niki